The Renewal of A Raggedy Mess: A 90 Day Faith Journey From Sight to Blind to Sight - February March and April will be 90 days of intense prayer, bible study, yoga, vegetarian lifestyle, faith walk, and the expectation of miracles. I'm anticipating miracles like I anticipate air to breathe.
Tonight at Wednesday night discipleship my bishop taught real good on “PURSUE.” (I Samuel 30:8) Listen… I love my bishop. He be preaching. He be teaching. (Improper Grammar Intended) But while he was teaching tonight, I thought to myself, “I have NO clue what I’m doing.” Seriously. I haven’t the slightest clue what the horhay I’m doing. I’m kind of winging it daily. It’s laughable how unclear I am about what the ultimate goal is in my life right now. One minute I’m a thug for Christ - the next minute I’m looking around like, “But for real? What am I supposed to be doing right now?” More often than not I am the latter. I don’t have a clue.
Mali Music has a song that I am obsessed with called, “Make Me New.” There is a line in the song where he says, “Im not asking for blessings. Not your hand Lord. But to know your heart.” <- That’s what this journey is about. I am well. I dont struggle in my life where provision is concerned. I KNOW the Lord as my provider. I’m not rolling around in the floor about food or rent. I’m cool in that regard. But where I do struggle is in knowing “What’s Next?” What more do you want/need from me? Which way should I go? Am I pursuing and recovering or am I surrendering and moving forward? BLAH BLAH BLAH! I dont have a clue.
But. As my bishop continued to break down “PURSUE” tonight - the one thing that was clear to me was when he quoted the scripture where Paul’s foolish self says, “After having done all to stand, stand.” Bwahahahahahha! I wrote in my journal. “What kind of craziness is that? After you have done everything to stand keep on standing.” Bwahahahahahahaha. That explains it. Thanks Paul (sarcasm). (deep sigh) But alas… Paul is right in his awkward wrongness… After you have done everything you know to do… keep standing. Don’t lose heart. Don’t throw in the towel. Don’t turn around. Don’t go backwards. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. JUST KEEP STANDING!
Im confident to make it through this next 90 days God is going to have to take me and make me new… b/c left to my own devices (faints)
Notes to Myself on This Faith Walk